Separate what happened from what you think it means

Write the part someone else could check

“I sent the proposal on Monday and have no reply on Wednesday” describes an event and a timeframe. “They are deliberately dismissing me” adds an intention. The intention might eventually prove relevant, but the sentence does not contain the evidence needed to establish it.

Be precise about your own access. “No reply in this email thread” is more accurate than “they have ignored everything” if you have not checked other agreed channels. You are not required to conduct an investigation into someone’s activity; simply avoid claiming more than you observed.

Make a three-column note

Label the columns “Observed”, “My interpretation” and “Still unknown”. In the first, record the event without character judgments. In the second, allow your actual concern rather than censoring it. In the third, list the information that would help you choose an action.

Illustrative entry: observed — no answer to Monday’s proposal; interpretation — they dislike the idea or do not want to work with me; unknown — whether they saw it, when they expected to review it, and whether a decision is needed this week. The unknowns point towards a practical check.

Choose a check that can answer something

A message might be: “Did the proposal reach you? I need to know by Friday whether to prepare the next section. When would a reply be realistic?” This asks about receipt and timing. It does not ask the person to prove they respect you before discussing the work.

You can note other explanations, such as competing priorities or an unclear deadline, but do not declare one true because it feels nicer. The point is to loosen an unsupported certainty enough to gather useful information. If there is no time pressure, waiting until an agreed review date may be the right action.

Update the note when something changes

If the colleague replies that they missed the email, add that as their explanation rather than rewriting the earlier silence as something you should never have noticed. If they say they do not support the proposal, you now have a concrete disagreement to discuss.

If the same commitment is repeatedly missed, the pattern itself becomes an observation. You can address reliability without proving a hidden motive: “This is the third agreed review date we have missed. We need another arrangement.” Facts do not have to be emotionally neutral to count as facts.

Do not use alternative stories to erase clear behaviour

This exercise is not a reason to minimise threats, repeated breaches or other observable harm. Nor does it require doubting every memory until nothing feels knowable. Use it where an inference is doing more work than the available information, and choose a proportionate next step.